The man cave. I don’t know what it is about most men and their garages but speaking for myself, my garage is my sanctuary. When my wife and I first looked at our house before purchasing it, like most first time home buyers, we were excited about our future purchase. I can remember standing in the living room and my wife was pointing out the many different things about our future home like the fireplace and the hardwood floors etc. I said, “but dear but what about that garage?” I did not get much of a response as she was looking at the closets and in her mind thinking about how she was going to fill them.
After moving in and having my own 14’ x 22’ garage for the first time, I thought wow! Look at all this space. I immediately started installing shelves for all my manly possessions. Within a few weeks, I had added electricity, lighting, heat, a work bench and my two Harleys. Now my large space had become too small and the thoughts of a bigger garage were already spinning around in my head. Meanwhile, my wife waited patiently for me to finish my man cave and to start painting and repairing the rooms in our house.
As the years rolled on and my collection of manly possessions starting growing into bigger toys, I had to add temporary additions to protect my collection from the elements. I added a 12 x 18’ canvas garage connected to the back of my garage to store my 1956 Ford. My friend, Steve, and I added a side carport to store my 1968 Plymouth convertible. Needless to say, my once pretty little detached garage starting to resemble a small shanty town.
This summer I finally got my wish. We started construction on a new 24 x 40 garage. First, the old garage had to be demolished. This was very hard for me to watch it as the excavator tore the man cave down. Many old memories went through my head. I felt like playing taps. It was like losing an old friend. So as I write, construction is almost one hundred percent completed on my new man cave. As the building was being framed, I overheard a dialogue between my 12 year old daughter and her friend. My daughter’s friend asked, “what is your Dad building?”, to which my daughter replied, “a new man cave, and I think he is going to live in it.”
I came across a list of the bylaws for owning and entering a man cave, and I will leave you men with these thoughts to ponder:
No man shall ever turn down free beer… for any reason. Never. Ever. Seriously, never.
Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.
Hiding your beer in the fridge is strictly forbidden. Besides…sharing is caring.
A man should never tell another man that his zipper is down. It’s his own damn problem and you never looked “there” to begin with.
A man may be seen tearing up only when:
A. His first child is born (and it’s a boy),
B. He has received a devastating blow to the groin,
C. Carmen Electra is unbuttoning her shirt…scratch that, your shirt.
D. He has spilled his last beer.
E. While at a sporting event, you must walk “B to F” (BUTT TO FACE) when leaving your seat. This is so you do not miss any of the cheerleaders’ performance (since you obviously never get up to pee while the ball is in play).
F. No man shall ever cancel plans with his buddies at the last minute. Exceptions: You win free tickets to the Super Bowl, Carmen Electra is unbuttoning your shirt, or in cases of death (your own).
G. If you are placed on the Jumbo-tron at a sporting event, you are to offer a simple wave or raise of your glass. Acting like an idiot is strictly forbidden. A man should act like Clint Eastwood… you’ve been there before and will be there again – show some class. Exception: You have more body paint on than clothing. In that case – go for it.
H. A man is permitted to build his “Man Cave” in any way he wishes. However NO “Man Cave” shall ever include: A fridge incapable of holding a case of beer, “Fat Free” potato chips, and any variation of the color pink.
I. A man purse is still a purse.
Have a Happy New Year! Drive safe in the sometimes treacherous winter weather. I am going back into my winter hibernation. Be careful and happy motoring.