The coming of spring has brought signs of life almost everywhere one turns. The flowers are blooming, leaves are appearing on the trees, and bleary-eyed students are appearing from their dorms after a long wintry period of hibernation. In addition to the usual seasonal changes, a more unusual sign of life has appeared from the bushes by the Dann Courtyard. A mother duck, which had situated herself in the bushes before students returned from spring break, is now joined by a team of ducklings, which were often spotted in tow behind their mother on frequent strolls across campus. To the surprise of the pedestrian traffic attempting to move from one class to the next early one morning, the parade of ducklings marched through the Dann building: in one door and out the other, without any recognition of the crowd that had gathered to watch.
While it seemed apparent that this beautiful example of life would only bring joy to Trinity-Pawling and the surrounding community, it would appear that this new family has another objective in mind: to spread chaos throughout T-P. After disrupting students eagerly bustling to class, the mother led her ducklings across Route 22, with malicious intent. Approaching at the autobahn speeds expected from someone driving on 22, a car slammed on the breaks to avoid hitting what appeared to be innocent ducklings. Without time to stop, a large truck, carrying a full load of stone, swerved off the road and into a ditch to avoid the stopped car and became stuck in the deep mud.
Soon afterward, tow trucks, mechanics, and a police officer arrived at the scene, while the responsible ducklings were nowhere to be found. The police department questioned all involved, and blocked off the road to make way for the repair crew and their squadron of blue tow trucks.
After news of this almost devastating traffic incident spread across campus, widespread fear of the satanic ducklings has stalled activities on campus, confining seniors to their dorms during the school day. Sightings of the unassuming devil-workers should be reported to the nearest gun-toting conservative faculty member.