This has been a difficult week. I just came back from a weeklong retreat where I was nourished and held in the most beautiful loving light. As I re-entered my life I began processing all I had learned and integrating the light into my being.
But I needed to take action regarding one of our cats, Quicksilver, who was sleeping more and more and eating less and less. He has had a mysterious limp in his left hind leg for a couple of weeks now with no improvement—it was time to find out what was the cause.
An x-ray that was first diagnosed as a fracture, on second look became osteosarcoma in his tibia knee bone. This is an aggressive cancer, where even heroic intervention results in only a few extra months of life.
My first reaction was one of disbelief, followed by a desperate need to have it not be so, then a gradual acceptance of, and surrender to the fact that things are sometimes beyond our ability to change.
What we can do for him is boost his immune system in hopes of improving his quality of life and extending our time with him. He is only ten years old, which seems way too young for this beautiful being to die. But the grieving and admission of inevitable letting go has begun.
I am painfully reminded that this, like many things in our lives, is beyond my ability to fix. To recognize and accept that this is out of our control requires a surrender of will and a step into the unknown that brings with it vulnerability and a softening of the heart. Gentleness and kindness is more important than ever now.
As my son poignantly reminds us, “We all die someday—that is just the way it is. Now is the time to be with him and love him while he is still with us.”
Surrendering, letting go, being present, loving what is here—powerful reminders that when the heart cracks open, what really matters shows up.
“Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets it.”
Including the vessel that is our lives, and the heart within that life. May you let the light nourish you, be present to your life and open your heart with love for what is here now.
Diane Ingram, PCC